My World

My Prayer

2009-03-02T01:20:00.005+08:00

Echoing David...

Psalm 27

v4.One thing I ask of the Lord,

this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

New Year

2009-02-19T01:03:00.004+08:00

Yes, happy BEeeeeLAaaTED new year to you!!! =)

I doubt there's anyone reading my blog after eons (oops!) without any updates.

Just a quick note here before I collapse to bed. Word of the year.....'CHANGE'....the word must have been popularised by Obama recently...but I find that it's true...changes happening everywhere..major change for me is that I changed my job (that in itself have a story of its own), currently the 2nd week in my new post..still adapting, very humbling..details next time =)

New year's resolution : Love God, Love People. Period.

I must have lost some of you, very vague I know..my brain is going on hibernation..I don't really know what I'm typing. hah =)

till next time.

Final note: Life really IS a beautiful struggle. (quoted from Jaeson Ma, emphasis by me)

Tagged by Angeline

2008-08-14T11:30:00.002+08:00

Taggedy responses

> So, what’s your primary food group?
rice (im a fan tong) =p

> Who would you like to have lunch with tomorrow?
My colleague at work

> What kind of food do your best friends like?
yummy desserts. hah!

> Would you rather be a zombie or a vampire?
a vampire sounds better. too much Anne Rice's vampire sagas..and oh, the vampires in her books are all handsome ones *vanity*

> Erhuh. And so would you rather be Master Chief or Serious Sam?
Ideally master chief, but i guess I have more of serious Sam's genes in me.

> Favourite Pizza Topping?
all mushrooms with lotsa cheeseeeeee....

> Last one. Would you rather be The Joker or The Riddler?
Riddler. I make a bad joker -_-"'

> Music. What does it do to you.
Depends. Cry, laugh, meditate or sing in agreement =)

> Favourite Genre?
Definitely not those heavy metal ones..my eardrums can't stand. R&B.

> Favourite bands from that Genre?
No favourite band. Currently addicted to Leona Lewis' 'A moment like this'

> What instrument do you play? Or would like to.
Just started to pick up guitar 3 weeks ago...needs more practice!

> Got anyone on your mind? Come now, you know what I’m talking about. Because every quiz needs some HEART right! (get the pun. Ha. Haha.)
Dont have...

> Why are you be thinking about them?
not thinking abt them..heh

> Gonna do anything about it?
nah...

> So what’s your top 4 reasons why you like someone then (Top 3 is so overrated).
4. well-kempt nails. yes, I do mean his nails =) odd isnt it?
3. appreciates and has a sense of humour
2. someone I can grow to admire (personalities, etc)
1. loves and fears God (copyright from Angie :p)

> i herd you liek mudkips
the what?

> I’m in ur fridge, eatin ur foodz
oh yeah? what's that you are chewing?

> Biting pear of salamanca
nice not?

> What did you want to be when you were a kid?
Doctor, lawyer and news presenter..too much hong kong drama influence..haha..they didn't last long and I moved on =)

> What do you want to be now? As in now, what do you want to do when you grow up.
am in the process of asking myself this question. answer pending!

> If you changed your mind… why?
lalalala....

> Whatcha doing tomorrow at 3 o clock?
At work, staring at the pc in front of me 0_0

> Psyched about anything at the moment?
that sunday is meant for rest - bliss =)

> Nearest thing to you that’s plain black.
the mouse

> What’s on your Desktop now?
Invoice, packing list, online dictionary and office skype chatbox =p

> Can you multitask? What are you doing besides this quiz?
yeah, we girls are good at that but not multi-tasking at the mo

> What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleeping?
1.5 days...like walking corpse like that

> What’s your catch phrase of the moment?
"I see..."

> Do you like long hair or short hair?
Short (between ma ears and shoulders), less hassle =)

> Give someone a shout out!
Jessica: when's ur blog coming up ah? =) Im waiting with great anticipation..love!
Angeline: thks for ur compliments! im flattered. and we shall go out this Sat...still haven't make up my mind where to go. any ideas?
I tag: Francisca :)

My Version of John 3:16

2008-07-21T00:07:00.006+08:00

I asked Him: Who am I?
He answered me with John 3:16: I so loved you that I gave my one and only Son, that you who believe in me shall not perish but have eternal life.

He shined a new light into this verse. I always thought to myself that 'yea yea, He loves everybody and He's doing it for all of us in general.' And he said NO. Even if there's just me alone, He'll still choose to become human and to suffer and die for me so that I may live everyday of my life with hope, freedom and assurance of His presence. I can tell you it's so liberating!

For Malaysia:

The 1st Malaysian Youth Prayer Gathering was held on 19th July at Kluang, Johor http://mypg.wordpress.com/. God has Malaysia in mind for a national transformation. The oh-so-messed-up state of the country right now politically, economically and socially. I trust that a war has already been waged in the spiritual realm and manifested in the physical realm of the nation. So much fear gripping the hearts of the people. Lets not stop to keep our country in prayers. Even if we are not literally staying in the country but prayer intercessions know no bounds towards geographical distance.

Rev 4: 8(b) Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." It is God's desire to see the nation of Malaysia worship Him in unity even on earth as it is in heaven! Lets not be indifferent and ignorant as I was. God loves Malaysia that He came and die for the people, everyone of us.

We'll never know how much our simple prayer can do until we lift them up to God's throne.

What's On My Mind

2008-07-11T11:20:00.006+08:00

So it's been a while since I last updated. I have this thought going on in my head. I might as well just share with you guys who are reading (no matter I know you or not). Quoted Wini: "I've got nothing to lose!"

My mind has been busy thinking these few days. Actively if you know what I mean. It's so easy to just get caught up in the wave of mundane routines day in and day out that the more I am accustomed to the way of life now, the more unwilling I am to change, well, to make changes I mean if need be. Am a creature of habit.

I have been sensing that this season or phase in my life will be a time of 'being' first and 'doing' next. Without having the right view of who I really am, my identity in Christ, how God look at me, which is what matters most in the end of the day, I cannot and He will not allow me to do His work. I've been chasing after the next 'destination' or 'thing' that I should do without even realising what and who I am doing it for. Going with the flow just ain't going to work for me anymore. More and more I feel like I have been wasting my previous life away. I'm not saying that people don't need to work and live normal daily lives. What I'm saying is in the midst of living our daily mundane lives, are we living for a purpose?

I'm so selfish in the way that I live. All I think about is ME, ME and more ME. Yes, with my uni application rejection, I'm desperate to look for a way out. I want to fit in and be like others. Go to college and graduate and find a better paying job and make my parents proud and stuffs. Please don't get me wrong, I do think they are good things to do in life if you have the passion for what you are doing and all. My point is, are you fulfilling your purpose in life? I know that I'm way tooooo far from even fulfilling 1% of my purpose. Really. Because I'm too busy thinking only about myself that I have no time to think about others - people around me and those who are yet to hear and know about a God who loves them and accept them just the way they are, that they don't need to be beautiful, successful, rich, intelligent, handsome, etc to be loved and accepted. He loves us just as we are, we DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING to gain His approval like how we do to please and impress our parents, friends and other people.

I pray for a revival in me, to love God and love people. That's what Christianity is all about. Not all the dos and donts and thinking I'm a cut above the rest! I'm too small-minded. There's so much more to discover and find out and tap into. I feel alive now. For a long time I have been dormant. Living but not actually living. I'm alright if you think I'm going crazy, in fact I'm happy that I finally started to dare to be crazy. Crazy after God and wanting what He wants for me and for the poeple around me.

It's time to ignite the passion!!!

Hillsong - Centre of my life

2008-06-16T16:32:00.001+08:00

NUS Application Denied

2008-06-16T15:15:00.005+08:00

Yes, people. My NUS application had been denied. I'm not sad. Honest. So please don't feel bad for me, ok? =)

The door to NUS is closed. Another will be opened. It might not be study. I don't know. No idea of what it is yet. I don't mind you keeping me in prayers, though...So that I will not miss out on what God has in store for me.

I want to live a full life. Fulfilling what I was made to do. What only I can accomplish. I'm sure there's something.

Here I go again in search for another piece of my life's jigsaw puzzles to fill in the gaps. The picture is not quite complete - yet. It will be an exciting journey.

Impending Hectic

2008-05-20T16:50:00.004+08:00

You foresee a mountain of work coming your way. You know it and may even be able to identify what they are at this moment in time. They are pending and being held up behind the floodgates until the right time comes forth to unlock them and drown youuuuu......halp! (quote Angeline)

You feel busy, but just yet. How suffocating can that be?

P/S: No reply for uni application yet. Will blog about it once received.

Prayer S.O.S!

2008-05-15T12:01:00.004+08:00

Please uphold Myanmar and China in your prayers. Myanmar had been strucked by cyclone and China by earthquake recently resulting in great casualties being recorded and the number is still soaring.

In China, many people are still missing. Many lost their homes. China is very open this time round to accept international aids from foreign countries and organisations. But still much prayers are needed.

Whereas for Myanmar, please pray that God will change the hearts of the military leaders as they barred and refused aids from countries outside. They even go as far as not issuing visas for people and relief organisations to enter the country. This is inhumane! Reports state that casualties is 100,000 and still on the rise due to eventual outbreak of infectious diseases, shortage of food, etc. Pray that doors will be opened so that relief efforts will reach the needy.

It's the least we can do. Please pray for them.

Saturday Afternoons

2008-04-11T16:37:00.005+08:00

I remember the days I felt so excited about meeting you.

There's always this thrill that I had.

Counting down to the days toward weekends.

Saturday afternoons! The food, the games, the messages, the people and you...

The opportunity is around the corner to revive all that!

I shall grab it, oh yes, I shall!

Ignite that passion in me again, Lord.

To reach out to those you love.

Make me thy fuel flame of God!

I heart Asaph's Psalms!

2008-03-18T11:10:00.006+08:00

Been reading Psalms by Asaph recently. So convicted. Such an honest man. Feel what he felt with all the struggles: envy, jealousy, doubts, questioning, comparisons, etc. Oh, how we tend to hide all these! Even to the extend when coming face to face with God, I sometimes still put on masks -acting tough and all. Must have looked pretty silly to God. Thank Him that he never ever overlook any areas in my life that need to be improved, such a faithful God. He who started a good work will carry on to completion, even God is working so hard for me, how can I slack then?

I love this relationship that I'm having. 24/7 access somemore, so blessed!

Picture of the day:

Oh yes, I am!

As promised but 48hrs late in delivery =P

2008-01-21T08:26:00.000+08:00

Here's my update. It's a 'lil late I know, I said last weekend and it's Monday morning now. Pardon me :)

Dec' 07 passed by really fast. Lots of friends came over to Singapore for short trips and stuffs. Met up with them and had a mini marathon of outings back to back until the first week of Jan '08. Besides that, life's more or less progressing at the same pace..which is rather fast and without consciously taking note, this is already the 21st day of the new year. I still feel as though it's 2007. I still mistakenly write the year as '07 whenever I record the date..haha..

I'm going home for CNY this year! On the 3rd of Feb, for a week! It's been a year and a month plus ever since I last gone home. Miss home heaps, like never before...am all excited about it =) One thing I need to do before going home is to submit my uni application. Do pray for me will you? It's said that applicants will only be notified in May whether they are accepted or rejected, so it'll be a few months till I get to find out the outcome. It's dreading.

As for my work, God had pulled me through so far. Ever since I started in this job over a year now, I've been 'put to test', meaning the work that I took over from the previous employee turned out to be problematic all the time and case by case! My heart is always heavy whenever I step into the office every morning fearing that I'll get another 'surprise' again. It was the year of victory for our church last year, and victory comes only after a battle. It was literally a battle then in my work field..

This is a season whereby the whole of our church goes through the book of Psalm, one Psalm a day, to get intimate with God intentionally. I realise that it's the season for the Lord to work in me, before He can work through me. So many a times I prayed and asked the Lord regarding issues but I did not wait to hear Him answer, irony isn't it? Then when I see how the prayers of others get answered, I'll get jealous and bitter about it and start to lament and complain. I want to change. I want to know deeper of who God is and his heart. I want depth in this relationship and not mere worship by lip service anymore. I want to dwell in His sweet presence, in His sanctuary. To be sensitive to Him and be able to know that it's Him speaking to me and leading me, even for the slightest thing. And I know He will break me before He can mould me and shape me. And it will be painful and ugly, but I'm ready. No more excuses.

Be my witness will you? I know I'm not alone in running this race. Let us continue to bear witness to each others' lives. And I need to start by counting my blessings. I have been taking a lot of things in life for granted, as if they ought to be the way they are in the first place, and it's obviously not so when I look back.

Work-in-progress. I used to dislike this term so much you might not know. But it's so true. The work is on-going, every minute every second. There's never a moment He has given up on me and I'm forever grateful about that.

So He Speaks Again

2007-12-10T11:55:00.000+08:00

He speaks, like no other. Always hitting the bull's eye and yet with a tenderness that makes you cry. All you can do is nod in agreement; words of excuse are exhausted and no where to be found. All I can think of is: You know the deepest secrets of my heart. Those I did not share with a single soul. You knew, all along.

Echoing what Angeline wrote, it's a feeling that makes you speechless, in awe and couldn't stop smiling. Mind you, we are perfectly sane and checked! :) Just that we can't help it when we keep smiling.

He spoke through Steve A'Herne last Saturday night. When I felt physically worn-out after biking in the morning till 2pm, tripped and fell over injuring several parts of my body, with unproperly treated wounds, aching muscles, hungry stomach, sweat smelling body and mud covered legs accompanied by light drizzle plus a phone call from my manager telling me what I've missed out and should have done in my work. Man, I can tell you these can totally contribute to the points to compose a 'My Most Unluckiest Day' essay, like those we used to write in school back then. What more, we were late for service.

When Steve prompted the congregation to response in the altar call, Angie and I remain seated. But we wanted to be prayed for. So we waited. We were like primary school kids with our back pack in hands and following after Steve as he was walking towards the exit. God is so good. He wants to speak to us as much as we want to hear from Him, or even more so I reckon.

If you are feeling at this very moment that the prayers you whispered or uttered had been hitting the celling and bounced back to you, take heart. He hears and He knows even without you saying them. I suspect He likes to ochestrate the 'perfect' situation to answer our heart's deepest concerns. I am a person who can easily take things and people around me for granted. In that way, I will remember and be thankful. Remember His goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and love for me. The kind of love no human being possesses.

Christianity might be categorised as one of the 'religions' in the world. But it's all about relationships, of loving God and loving those He loves (yes, that's you if you are wondering). Please don't be freaked out thinking that it's all about rituals, if you are having that perception, you don't know how much you are missing out in life.

He loves you more than your finite mind can imagine. If you do not believe me, why not you test Him for yourself? See if you dare...

Everything In Its Time

2007-10-16T16:17:00.000+08:00

A song by Corrinne May

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crytal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Of Letting Go

2007-10-08T13:13:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday, in the midst of work I got Angeline's short text like: Are you free tonight? I replied saying I have nothing in particular to do, so, yes. She told me God let her won 2 free tickets! In the back of my mind, I knew what's coming. Ceng ceng ceng...free movie treat!!! =) We watched 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry'. We enjoyed ourselves very much. We got 50% of the cinema all to ourselves (there were only 4 ppl)!

Since knowing Wini, we have learnt from her that it's always good to process while and after watching a movie. Sometimes I'll forget to do that and it happened to us then. On our way out of the cinema, Angeline went: Oh, I forgot to process! Heh. Me too.

After so many days, the very one thing that's on top of my mind ever since I left the cinema was a scene in the movie where Larry took out his late wife's clothes from the wardrobe, kissing and putting them away in tears. In the movie, Larry's wife passed away for 3 years but there seemed to be no changes to her stuffs, Larry still keeps her clothes and all, where they were.

What's wrong with that? You may ask. Personally, I find the message hitting home. So much so that I see Larry in me. Unable to let go. Sometimes while having some random thoughts running through my mind, I tend to have the tendency to dwell, reminiscing over and over again in my mind's eye as if I could see myself right where I was back in time and space. Exactly as to what I would not share here b'cos it's too private.

I remember an illustration Max Lucado used in one of his books saying that whether you realise it or not, we all are carrying a sack. Day in and day out. Sometimes without us even realising it. It's the sack full of rocks, stones, and boulders. Each representing our worries, burdens, anxieties...Same goes in this scenario, just that the content now represents that of our memories, both good and unpleasant ones.

I've loaded my sack pretty much. I get a bit breathless carrying them sometimes. I forgot that I can give them all to one person. On and on I added to my sack. It's time for me to seek refuge and do the unloading. God, thank you for awakening me.

It's good to have memories, even more so if it's a good one. But if it only crippled my growth spiritually, it's less than healthy to continue holding unto them. So, I want to let go. Because with God, truly, the best is yet to come.

My family was here

2007-10-06T19:02:00.000+08:00

Yes, my parents and sisters came over to visit us for 10days. Back in end August. I procrastinated for quite a bit eh. Haha.

Saying goes that a picture tells a thousand words. So I picked out a few from the lot and uploaded them. It's taking FOREVER to upload. In between, I walked around in my room, to the kitchen, sms-ing friends, and drank soup while waiting for them to be uploaded. Patience really is a virtue!

The pictures are suppose to be in sequential order. But I just realised that the 1st pic I uploaded ended up being at the bottom most. Guess that's fine. :) More posts are on the way. I need to rest. This is taking very long. I need a break :p

Sun setting

I was discreetly trying to snap his photo. His parents were near him, so I pretended as if I was shooting sth else. Cute boy playing and getting wet.

A man had a dream that he was walking on the beach. There were 2 sets of footprints...

Searching for food I guess

Sentosa's Siloso Beach. Very small. The sand are artificial ones, can't walk bare-footed, will be painful. I miss beaches in KK Jessica used to drive us to after our a-levels...

Youngest sis. A poser & chatter-box. Her name is Chai Phin.

She reminds me of me. A lot in the sense of personalities. But she is more outspoken.

I fought with her a lot when we were both younger. In anger, I poked her with a mechanical pencil and she bled! Yes. That was in the past. A vivid account up till today.

She's 2cm TALLER than me now!!! Grr...

#3 in the family. She's Chai Sia. An artist & only lefty in our family.

Very very quiet. She did my art homework back in Brunei. Oops~

My mum. I made her wear that. Very co-operative :p

Looks darker now ever since moving to M'sia. UV rays very kuat there.

She was very fair few yrs back!

My Papa, very 'cool'. Hehe..he doesn't smile much infront of camera

His signatures = black moustache & eyebrows ^^ was n still is handsome :)

He looks fierce but is not in real life. Don't be deceived by his look~

My older sis. I repeat, she's the eldest, not me bah :p
She claimed that I can read her mind, don't play play eh

My personal favourite. Like a mini volcanic eruption before ur eyes aye?

(Geog was my fav subject, esp plate tectonics ^^)

'Songs of the Sea' performance @ Sentosa, was good but too short

Random flowers by the sidewalk, thought they were beautiful

My Pa & Ma =)

My 2 younger sis, resemblence? (students in M'sia has darker shades) :)

At Sentosa. Having a rest & some food after walking around

Dinner at Sushi Tei in Vivo City

My Blog Drought

2007-10-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

It's been almost 2 whole months since I last posted. Not much of a blogger myself, isn't it? Here comes my promised update :) sorry for the long drought here, I know blogs are supposed to be updated consistently...let's wait no more and here comes my post(s)~~read on...

::100K Blessings::

2007-08-10T12:16:00.000+08:00

My new update after one month of abandonment. Heaps happened in the gap of time. I'll tell u all about it in short. Our senior pastor caught the vision of reaching out to 100,000 people in Singapore earlier in the year. The time is ripe to launch the campaign in July. In conjunction with Singapore's national day, volunteers of 5000 believers in church signed-up to be part of the campaign. Each is to bless 20 people, in aspects of family, friends, classmates/uni-mates, colleagues and even strangers in the streets! Our objective is to offer prayers - heartfelt needs in their hearts.

I was involved in the NUS blessings and later, strangers in shopping mall. God's awesome timing as the freshmen are flying over to prepare for their first sem in uni. NUS b'cos (1), age group = can click! And (2), which is my very personal reason to want to check out on how the life of a uni freshman is in NUS (planning to apply into NUS next yr, hope will get in, pls pray for me will u :p). Man, I tell u, I've never felt so 'purposeful' in my life. Moving out of my comfort zone, being thick-skinned trying to make friends and bring up conversations, reaching home only after mid-night almost everynight, lack of sleep, but it's all worth the while. I partnered with our church's bros and sis graduated from NUS, so I'm "friend of alumnis". That's my identity.

I can't blog about all the details of what happened in that period of time. What I can share is, in the midst of involving in various orientation activities, I feel 'orientated'. I dare not say I'm certain I'll be accepted in NUS next year, but I just feel that God is leading me, preparing me and opening up my eyes to a promise he'll grant. With experiences of getting lost in the campus to knowing my way rather well in that piece of land, I just can't help but feel so grateful.

This campaign was meant to bring blessings to people. But to God, that's not enough. For He cares about His workers, too. I've gained so much through all these. What they say about giving is better than receiving is true. We are living in such a deceptive world that what revolves in our minds are just to receive, more and more, for our own very own selfish desires and pleasures. In contrary, when we choose to give up our time, money and fun, I realise I've gained something more - a purpose and meaning. I'm guilty of always echoing words like: 'my life recently? umm, as usual, boring, sien'. I can imagine how much I've missed out all these while, by living a mediocre life, a routined one, stereotypical. There's more to our lives. These words in Jeremiah 29:11 are always dear to my heart: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD; plans to Prosper you and not to harm you, plans to Give you a Hope and a Future."

I'm excited to find out what God will lead me to in my time on this earth. I want to be able to say I've run the race of my life faithfuly and obediently when I stand before God in judgment. He never promise me of an easy life, in fact life will be tougher and more challenging now that I've chosen Him, the enemies will not just stand and watch with folded arms. Wars on the spiritual and physical realms are bound to take place (picture Lord of the Rings scenes ^^).

The LORD is still waiting; waiting for His people to turn and choose Him. Waiting for those lost and yet not knowing they are lost, for those who rejected Him even if they've experienced His reality, for those who simply refuse to acknowledge His presence. He's waiting at heaven's gate for our return. Still waiting. But how long can he wait? No one knows...

So, will you come home today, before it's too late?

::My mum::

2007-07-11T13:25:00.000+08:00

Just called my mum. Didn't get to chat long with her as there seemed to be a problem with the lines or something. Got disconnected for 7 to 8 times in barely 15 minutes. Hung up and decided to call next time. Just before that, we had our normal chats about what's happening in our daily lives. How things are for my sis and me. The usual family talk.

Just then, she told me she felt lonely. With 2 younger sisters in school, me and elder sis here in Singapore, papa working in Brunei. She's home alone most of the time. Poor mum. My mum is truly a woman of character. A typical Chinese parent, who imparts her love for her kids with actions rather than words. Us girls very much inherited her personality of quietness. Like mother like daughters.

There were days in the past whereby I had broke her heart to pieces. Days I seeked for recognitions and assurance from friends and family. My way of making her mad and getting her attention has always been the same (not a creative person), i.e. to wage my "cold war"(but it always worked). Some friends might not believe me, I might look "soft" on the outside, but I'm a rather hot-tempered person. Very easily offended by words spoken especially those by my mum b'cos she knows me best. She always hit the bull's eye when rebuking me. It hurts.

I'm grateful that God has changed me. I've been learning how to say "I love you" to my loved ones at home. It's a weird feeling. It's so much easier to utter those words to friends rather than family. Man, I'm learning how to. It's the ego bah, that's stopping me.

It just feels weird. I hope to come back with a post celebrating my victory in overcoming my pride soon in near future; when I'm able to say those words to my ma and pa face-to-face. FYI, they are coming over in mid-august! Woohoo~

::Reflections::

2007-07-05T12:55:00.000+08:00

My God came to look for me when I was most depressed in life, with broken dreams, disappointments, unstable emotions, and hopelessness. Just then, He came. My life was never the same since. August 22nd 2004, almost 3 years since that night I prayed the sinner's prayer. Reflecting back at my life every so often, I can't help but wonder how I will end up if He didn't reach out to me. I'll most probably still be an angry person living in my own world, reluctant to meet my old friends as I'll feel so small around them when compared to. And also an anti-social figure, full of self-pity, etc.

I know that He has a good plan for me. One so good that I can't come out with by my own, because I dare not dream. It's so pathetic when one does not have a future to look forward to. That was my history. Chapters flipped. Seasons renewed. My Heavenly Father cares for me, so much so that He gave me His son to die for me so that I can have a great future, with hopes and dreams.

I realised that as the years passed, I had taken Jesus' sacrifice so lightly, even for granted. My heart hardens towards God, by failures to receive what I prayed for (from my own selfish desires). I treated God like Santa, demanding Him to deliver my requests ASAP. I've always been impatient because I hate waiting. I don't want to be left behind in life, to see that i'm not advancing. It's a tiring and torturing process. So full of self that I left no space for God to work in my heart. Then, the devil started to trick me with his all time favourite game of lying and deception. And I fell for his trap. Hence, I no longer could see God's image as clearly as I used to when I was a just a baby Christian. I want to change, I need to change. For I can't bear with this me any longer.

I want to see my relationship with God improve for the better and closer. Not out of guilt b'cos I disobeyed Him, but embracing the fact that He loves me too much to want to discipline me, to shape me, and to rebuke me when I'm wrong. He only disciplines those He loves. Pride has gotten the better of me for quite sometime. It's awful how a soul can be corroded bit by bit to the bones and even turn ignorant towards God when He speaks. It must have been painful for Him to receive such 'courtesy' from his daughter.

A tender voice is whispering my name to go back. Calling me to the foot of the Cross. This time, I will make sure I'll reach there, not looking to the left or to the right but with my eyes fixed onto the Cross. I cannot afford to stray anymore.

::My Bloody Nose::

2007-07-05T11:52:00.000+08:00

This is funny. I was checking for "nose block" in Wikipedia just minutes ago to find out why my nose block lasted for days. Then, I searched for "nose bleed" intending to gain some general knowledge about it. The moment Wiki shows the page with detailed descriptions about nose bleeding, my right nose started to bleed!!! Drama drama!!! It's so scary, I've never had this sort of encounter in my life. What's the probability of such occurence? I wonder. Two tissue papers soaked in blood (^o^). As I was waiting for the blood to clot while reading Wiki for causes of nosebleed, it's such a comfort to find out that mine is just a minor case. Phew~Praise God. My last nose bleed happened probably about 12 or 13 years ago, primary 3 (ate too much Thai durians). Was a bit caught off-guard.

"The flow of blood normally stops when the blood clots, which may be encouraged by direct pressure and reducing the blood pressure in the head by sitting upright with the head tilted forward for about 10 minutes. Tilting the head back is not advised, as it can lead to blood flowing into the respiratory system, and possibly resulting in vomiting or death."-excerpted from Wikipedia. It's important to know this, because my dear mum used to ask us sisters to tilt our heads back whenever we had nosebleed. I learnt that her way of treatment was wrong in Primary 4. Form teacher said to a classmate with nosebleed: tilt your head forward!! Memories~

Timely comfort led by the Holy Spirit? Sure yes if you ask me. Coincidence you suggest? I'll reckon that you do some maths calculation with probability to find out how often things like this happen. How creative God can be in doing things, I'm amused.

Nosebleed stopped completely by now. Praise God!

::of full-submission::

2007-06-22T15:45:00.000+08:00

Alas!! I get to blog abt my life here today ever since I first created this blog 2-weeks ago (cultivating this habit to blog more often, hopefully).

Just learned my lesson today. Just. So, it's brand new and so fresh that I want to tell the world!! I'll begin with why this new post took such a long time to update. I was so caught-up with my work, to a certain level which I can announce: "I'm so stressed!!" I won't go into detail with it, this'll take ages. How true it is that no matter who, be it your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, bosses, etc tend to let u down in life, only God and God alone won't. Amen?? I'm so glad to know this, though it's not something new that I've never heard about in church, through friends, in cell groups, etc.

Being a working "young adult" (ahem ahem :P) I've learnt, and am still learning, the difference between the adult working world and school. Honestly, I hated it. But, it's a process that I have to go through in life, to grow to become a more mature and responsible person, so does everyone else, yea? It's really testing my patience, which is something I'm lacking.

I got so worried about an on-going case that the very first thing I do every morning when I step out of the flat to work is to pray and ask God to grant me victory over what I'm doing. But, somehow I felt that something's not right, but don't know what. Until today, during my lunch break I prayed again for God to make things work. Then, it dawned on me that all these while my heart has not fully trusted God. Yes I know He can work miracles, but (there's always a big but) I want to feel that I'm "in-charge" and everything is under MY CONTROL!! Utter folly!

I guess you already know what happened after that. Yes, I offered Him back His driver's seat (that's how we say it right?) whereas I, shifted to the passenger seat behind to let him drive the car!!! The result? Things got sorted out smoothly one after another. You might suggest: "maybe it's just coincidence you know," but I can tell you this: IT IS NOT. I know it's Him, I just know. Hence, me blogging about my experience now. Praise my awesome awesome GOD, people!!!

1 John 5: 14-15 goes: This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.

I think the one condition attached to fulfilling this is provided we truly submit to God all our concerns, saying: take it ALL, for I'm not able. The result is always the same - He never fails us. Oh yes, never!

Multi-faceted

2007-06-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

My new blog annoucement people!

I've been reading a couple of my friends' blogs recently, and had come to a conclusion that it'll be a good idea to blog about my life online, too =)

This feels a bit awkward honestly as I prefer the traditional method of recording down my thoughts and all in a journal. Nevertheless, it's always good to try things out yea? Will post about my life and some thoughts of mine in this space. I hope you'll enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy posting them!

Happy blogging y'all.